Faith & Flamenco

“Anything can become a spiritual practice once you are willing to approach it that way – once you let it bring you to your knees and show you what is real, including who you really are, who other people are, and how near God can be when you have lost your way.” (Barbara Brown, An Altar in the World).

These words shook me to my core when I first read them. It was purely accidental but fateful that I did.

I had never before considered how faith and flamenco are intertwined, outside of cultural origins. Most serious students of the art form know that religion plays a part in flamenco music and lifestyle – the cultural mosaic of the Spanish lands, the ceremonial-like rituals, the traditions and connection to something greater than yourself. But I had not thought to contemplate the impact from on my individual beliefs.

I did some soul-searching. I dug deep to digest what those words meant for my flamenco energy and how that nested with my faith. I won’t lie, the last few years have…well…kinda sucked. Failure, loss, sickness, heartbreak, and doubt had not left my side. The rabbit hole loomed. I tried to keep up a brave front because that is what I do. Always. No matter what. I used all the strength I could muster to command the tumultuous events far away, but they persisted – for me and those I love. I tried so hard to remain positive and upbeat, even though my well was running dry. Thankfully, there were enough moments of gratitude to keep me floating along. I had, indeed, lost my way.

This post is not about the crap life threw at me, however. This post is about where, and how, I found restoration.

As I explored how my walk with God was tied to my flamenco journey, I realized, I had been brought to my proverbial knees. I had been withholding myself. I had been afraid to immerse myself the way I used to. I’d been through tough times before, however, these years of feeling lost took a huge toll on me…and I withdrew. Not completely but enough. I would still participate in online flamenco classes and would still read and research. I, in no way, mean to diminish the savior that was for me. It kept my toes from sinking deeper. But I was holding back some of my mental self. I can see that now. I was only partially present on this Earth. The rest of me was lingering in an in-limbo state that felt endless.

I needed to get back in the game. And I needed to do it now. I prayed like never before for guidance and fortitude. I started to dance, in the confines of my home, freely, for my soul, for my resurrection, where there were no eyes but my own closed ones. I could feel the embers of a muffled fire begging for release as I moved. I cried as emotion lept from my body.

You see, all the while, there was one thing waiting for me. One thing I was in control of. One thing that reached out for me when my toes were dangling just above that rabbit hole. Flamenco. It heals. It forgives. It loves.

What I discovered is that I had not lost my faith, I had lost faith in myself. My God had put me through the wringer, yes, but he also walked with me until I was out of it. He held my hand as I let it all go, and He reassured me I would be ok. He reminded me of His love at the same time He reminded me I cannot…CANNOT…do flamenco half-assed.

I threw caution to the wind and hopped on a plane bound for California for a weekend workshop! A feeling of comfort and peace washed over me as I connected with other passionate flamencas and danced really hard for three days, Words cannot express how much my heart needed that. I’m also participating in more local flamenco opportunities and am planning a trip to Sevilla in September.

A friend put it this way to me, “You make the world a better place when you are transparent in your art. Something gets healed. Something clicks into balance. Not just for yourself, but for the entirety of the collective ‘us’.”

Delving into what my faith means to me in terms of flamenco unchained me and took me back to the roots of why I love this art form. Once again, flamenco provided a voiceless angel and made me stronger. I have faith in my path and in myself and I know He will continue to remind me of His presence in my life.

It is magical to encounter God through my dance.